The first step is to remove the battery and
sim card. Placing the
sim
card on top of the battery, step away from the phone. Then flip the
phone open and place phone into a commercial grade blender. Set blender
to chop, and run for three and a half minutes. Take
sim card and place
in your left ear, take battery and wedge between your asscheeks. Drag
your ass on the carpet until the heat melts the battry to your skin.
Check your phone to make sure all images are deleted. Do not attempt
this when drinking.