Re: Help from native speakers of English wanted

You are right, that's better - I adopted your corrections and uploaded an image showing the final version with proper text formatting and a corresponding image:



Thanks again for your very valuable help!

Does the following sentence sound like good english?

Or maybe one of the following is better?

"to create"

.....now... the highlighted words on your final copy leave me baffled... I would suggest that you bold and color
"Money"
"Capital" or "500,000 Euros"
"profits" or "increase profits"
and then "the dough"

do I sound like a capitalist or what?

Well, good point - I adopted the highlighting (as far as it was possible in the translation) from the original version of the description, which was done by our german publisher. It struck me as odd, too, when I first saw it, but I am relying on these guys knowing what they are doing... But maybe I am going to post the final artwork in a forum of experts for design and marketing, if I find one, and ask for a second opinion.

By the way, I am sending you a copy of "Toilet Tycoon" to the address you gave me just as I am writing this. If everything goes fine, your friend can check his email in a couple of minutes! And thanks for the hints on our website also, which is maintained by a friend of mine, who unfortunately rarely has the time to make corrections. You will notice that the game is not in perfect English either...

I have written four short phrases describing the key features of the computer game that the text further above is about, and I was wondering if you could help me once more to make it sound better:

It would be great if you could tell me how to improve this!

- Look into the benefits of "high tech" add-ons

- Send "Vandals" and "Vomitters" to trash your opponents' facilities, then send the authorities to take down the competition!

- Spy on the facilities of your rivals and trash talk other people's toilets!

- But be warned, if you let the fun distract you from the cleanliness, functionality, and economics of your own facilities, you'll flush away your chance to be a "Toilet Tycoon!"

Thanks a lot, that's much better! Maybe I'll have to adjust some of the sentences a little to fit the layout, but this sounds like I can basically use it!

How do you like this:

It sounds OK to me, but again, I am not a native speaker of english... Maybe there's a way to make it sound a little more upbeat?

Does the following sentence sound good:

This might be the final version - what do you think:

Ok, here's another "final" version:

Or how about this:

Good stuff... last one though "Spy on the facilities of your rivals and spread vicious rumors to reduce their patronage!"

Spy on the facilities of your rivals and spread vicious rumors so the customers come running to you!

Ok, looks like I'll have to put some work into the last one... Your suggestion sounds good, but customers won't automatically come running to you when you spread rumors about your opponents' facilities. The idea is to scare their customers away!

Anyway, I'm glad to hear that the other sentences are fine!