nasty eel ( the pipe unblocker )

not one of my better titles
go and get ****ed


shoved th eel down th blocked pipe
got it past th bend that defeated little brother

paulie cant have baths
till th pipe flows water again freely

have t play
suck it and see


was out for a couple hours this morning
finished that big high ****er
in mansion valley

maybe they should call it
valley of th bmw's and mercedes cars

****in litter th place

like travellin to another country




hands up
who's ever been to germany and seen a
mercedes taxi

yeah it's special




hello and welcome to th stuck up ***** hour
we'll be questioning several *****es


"what about me ?"
you;re a ficticious *****
"rather be a ferocious *****"



at least th drugs taste nice today


i fell asleep
and now it's four o'clock

heat's droppd off and
just sultry now

light rain they said
dont look like light rain to me


so thursday


"singin tonight ?"


kylie minogue


i guess


think i can stand sittin at home
gettin out of it

hasnt been a week
since th last pretty girl smiled at me
while i was singin in th street

nice feeling

over rated


aint special if ya do it all th time
"would nicole kidman be like that do ya think ?"

if you were doin her all th time ?

i hope not to find out


no offense


where she lives in sydney is
kinda like where i was in brisbane today


city high
"caramel" remix


roads littered with expensive foreign cars
with girls goin

if it didnt come from europe
it aint goin on my face






"been a week"

i got a date already saturday night

never been in a gay bar

<<< smile >>>


"should try singin to em"

dont try this at home
less you can handle th touching


"track no09"

what are ya doin to me windows ?


"flowers grow"
"they;re everywhere you go"


dried green flowers




marijuana ****head
jeez yur slow


"got two yuppie ex girlfriends"

"who both wanna say gday"

<<< smile >>>


at least i'm earnin money right ?


"you dont feel for me kylie"
"with that bottom"


strange girl


forgot to turn on th fan
been sweatin throughout th day
afro smells of stale sweat
shower hasnt got it all

**** it's gettin thick


system of a down



still pickin bits of paint
out of my hair



now that's not on
big graze on th right knee

unicycle accident
at speed

and half covered in plastic paint



looks like th pot will make it thru th night


"more drugs over here"
"been buyin early"


ever been offered drugs by your pretty female drug dealer ?

and you get home
to find

oh dear

i've nicked her lighter


city high


alright windows
th skin is very brown this week


and my tits have grown

been workin again


"<<< smile >>>"


ya think pooh can dance ?

"i intend on finding out"


just checkin my head


i can think of three girls
phone numbers

recall's workin ok


bill hicks
"car bomb derby"


let me put a sunroof in yur bmw

big ****in axe




you might be a redneck if


"clint eastwood"


i dont know mika

i like singin with th big samoan australian boy

the gay folk are umm

less inclined


singin with michael
they;d sit on th seat next to me

"miss ya michael"


where were ya rock spider ?
last week

we came out
and ya werent there

missed th playin beats
across th road from a nightclub

different in th mall with mika

"like th alcove"
"get a little foldback"


ppl's bodies suck sound
have to dig deep
and sing loud


cant do it at home
to anywher near th same measure


the offspring
"pretty fly" ( for a white guy )


think i'm

half white
half black

not really sure

neither is anyone else
mum told some stories

half dutch

but th short answer is same as mika's

i'm australian


had a good look at th spokes
in th 24 unicycle wheel


salt water is ****in em

they're gunna start breakin soon

but i like surfin on it

and i dont see thousands of other ppl doin th same thing


"day you come"


i used to have a problem
singin like a girl

felt self concsious

but lots and lots of nice ppl
were supportive


been monstered in th street
by a group of seven guys

who'd preferr i sang like a boy

had four girls step out of th shadows
and tell em to get ****ed

that helped


"that and th bunch of chicks"
"who threw fifty cent coins at ya"

they hurt


the kinks
"she's got everything"


th little two dollar coins
can inflict some serious damage on th skin


chick whispering in my ear

"i can afford you"

singin under th lights
in cavill mall

with al

gave me her bank statement

now i;ve seen everything


i got freaked out surfers paradise
wasnt really expecting
the reaction i got

was a bit overwhelming


fantastic facepaint
put on by a girl who fancied me

and dirty dancin in th nightclubs
with a unicycle


"running up that hill"


got space in yur cloak room for my wheel ?


it was a kick


"th girl who worked at th radisson"


got enough trouble with women now

"yeah but **** she could dance"


prefer dancin on th unicycle
"too much attention"

"yelled at in th street for havin too many clothes on"

"take yur shirt off man"


i'm a sensitive boy ok
some of it bothers me


bill hicks
"lift me lord"


arent i 42 ?


pls god


i got grey hairs for ****'s sake


city high
"you dont know me"


get called
aboriginal elder


<<< smile >>>


nice voice girl


different things to different ppl
i'm in here somewhere


i was sittin in a yuppie cafe
with a yuppie chick


playin toyboy

dressed yuppie

talkin about th hippie commune
id bopped thru th day before
and how much fun i had

a shave and a change of clothes
and a little behaviour modification

sippin vodka and oranges
while watchin th surf
upmarket seaside restaurant

watchin th prety girl
sippin chardonnays


"Walk all over you"


none of that cheap rubbish


we'll meet th girls
at th thai restaurant
and then kick on
and go nightclubbing

just gotta go thru makeup
smoke a joint and
just relax th face man

wild psychedelic flower
all over th face
and carried down th neck

**** i miss ya minka

painted beautiful faces
for th unicycle man of surfers paradise

pity i lived a hundred clicks away


still do


why are they giving me free drinks ?
how th **** did i get here ?



i started ridin a unicycle like a maniac

nuthin to live for

playin chicken with th taxis at three am



"divebombing th walking crowd"


"All mine"


today's cigarette brand is

peter jackson


ya dont wanna get stuck on one


i dont give a **** what they are

spent too long

in a street

bein offered cigarettes

girls and boys
here there and everwhere

hey stop
do us a trick

ridin in th surf's pretty good

ridin down a travellator
that knocks em dead


i'll do ya some bunny hops
and a coupla slides

bit pissy really in comparison

no i dont juggle
too stereotypical for me

i do my own thing

pretty much


catchin waves
foot of white water under my wheel

and seven or eight cones of marijuana
under th ebelt

and go surfin

i dont give a **** if th spokes rust


david bowie
"the man who sold th world"


every now and then
some gorgeous creature
asks me to stop

so she can get a photo with me

still feels funny

[second pass]

couple of weeks ago

a pretty guy with a big expensive camera

runnin along beside me in th surf

gettin th unicycle wheel
catchin waves in th white water

"born to be wild"

i'd share but i didnt get a number

[second pass]


two giggling japanese girls
and a japanese guy

he's tryin to ask me if i'm a a body builder

i'm well out of it
and tryin to tell him


i ride a unicycle

and singin with al

under th lights for a break

main street surfers paradise

you didnt have much english

but i really liked th girls goin off

blew my mind


just ridin a unicycle
and following my nose


bit lost


"and stoned"


sex and drugs and rock n roll


"street version"


if you can sing
high and loud

they'll treat ya like a rockstar





i sit down with one of my busker mates

and he pushes something at me

here paulie

try this
suckin drugs out of a potato
in th street

hi folks

pretty girl
about to dance to th two drums we're about to play

cause we're smokin pot
in th street

already completely out of it

and i arrived on th unicycle

comin th wrong way down th street
in th dark

no lights and

cars swervin

my bitumen

hey dude

makes th pot taste funny

but nice man

meet th pretty girl currently playing drums

in th alcove

rock spider wants th rock spider mantra

so i'll take th lead in th beat for a bit

put a little synchopation

a little
twist in th beat

a perfect circle

get th rhythm goin
th voice opens up

starts gettin out there

girl cumming sounds coming out of my trhoat

she just blew me a kiss


and into th bridge

i shouldnt have given th drum to that guy

he's teachin her bad habits

ah no
rock spider's nabbed it back

fly till it dies

another loaded

cone potato

passed to my hand

just stop singin for a bit

pullin a cone

<<< smile >>>


ah no
they leave me be alone pretty much

occasionally one of th cars with blue lights overhead
has someone yell out of it at me

to get off th road

but they dont stop

we've had our police chases


butthole surfers


i've been chased thru th city
at night

on a unicycle

by a police car

and a police bike

siren goes on

time to smile

it's discrimination

just play my black card

and laugh

ya cant arrest th clown man

last time ya did that
th judge yelled at yas

and th lcoal radio

laughed at ya's for a week

for arreestin a street entertainer

i take advantage of that


why shouldnt i ?


another unicyclist spilt water
on a copper

and they threw it out of court

waste of th court's time

and th clown's only gunna play it for laughs


just umm

when ya first hit a new place

th cops stop ya

and th council guys
top ya

and ask ya questions

it's a

personal assistance vehicle
i have this delicate problem

hypersensitive testicles

and if ride th unicycle
long time

they go comfortably numb

got a medical record

keeps em at bay

im allowed to play in town too

ya cant discriminate

my playground as well

ms flight simulator


landing instructions

ya fly a uncicyle

ya dont ride it


the offspring
"Walla walla"


i feel a flight coming on


cant get this paint off me


yeah it's different body paint


leanin on a post
in town somewhere

out of it
and havin a rest

rollin a joint ok

pretty girl walks up and says

i coudlnt believe how fast
you ride that thing thru th crowd

lots of practise
and th crowd is magic

opens magcially to accept me

dont have to yell much

sometimes though
is funny


and tear thru th crowd
as they come out of a rock venue

th more out of it ones
can be real funny

in real life



go ****in hard


th land surfer dude



led zeppelin
"since i've been loving you"

fave song not th rain song

ok ?


bloody drugs


hey robert

been stealin yur stolen stuff
and doin

th lesbian blues

my fingers are too ****in slow
will ya hurry up and get off *****

i wanna go nightclubbin

come on egirl
or i'll get out th sandpaper

when i squeeze yur lemon
and you cum all down my leg


rock spider was cut
for short time

she was blowing kisses
you can do it man

no worries

just gotta have th balls


dont ****ing complain to me

she was a knockout
i dont care she hadsnt ****ed me

th look on his face was worth it

devil was ridin in th street that night
i did grab ya

and kiss ya back

and that's rare

made my night
that particular night

even forgave ya for bein blonde
otherwise it would have been on th lips

man's got some taste


was my dream robert

and um

i found

ya dont have to climb on stage


led zeppelin
"battle of evermore"

more up close and peronsal in th street

more frightening ?
i dunno

no bouncers to drag em off generally

althou there was this one time

while i was singin with michael

but that's another

singin on th street corner story
for another day

it feels good robert
everything i dreamed it woud be

whilr listening to led zeppelin
out of it
at thirteen

at my mad hippy aunt's place
tryin to get a grip on th mushies

was new music then

mum bought me led zeppelin 3 when it came out
every now and then
i find a busker who knows th words

and does led zeppelin justice

and i do th robert plant bits

th bits he cant quite get

dont wanna be th lead singer
wanna be th background singer

mor eroom to move

and i dont have t remember any ****in words

i can just

listen to th music

and sing

it's all good...

"<<< ****ing big smile >>>"

'thank you robert"
"not often they cum that stunning"
"was a top shelf moment"

See More: nasty eel ( the pipe unblocker )