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  1. #1
    Robb4248
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    25 utterly usless pages of chuck norris facts. I think i'll start a contest. $100,000 CPF$$ for the best 1/100 ORIGINAL chuck norris facts...

    let's begin with the OFFICIAL list:

    • When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.
    • Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.
    • Chuck Norris uses redhot lava to moisturize his skin.
    • Chuck Norris invented the apple.
    • Chuck Norris Buillt Mount Everest with a bucket and spade.
    • Chuck Norris does not age. Every birthday, it's just another year added to his existence, which sucks for you.
    • Chuck Norris does not have chest hair, he has millions of highly venomous nematocysts. You have virtually no chance of surviving the venomous sting, unless treated immediately. The pain is so excruciating and overwhelming that you would most likely go into shock and collapse a split second before getting hit in the face with a roundhouse kick.
    • Chuck Norris can chug a gallon of milk and not throw up.
    • Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest.
    • If you get roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris in your dream, you DIE!
    • Chuck Norris can have his cake AND eat it too.
    • Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.
    • Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.
    • Chuck Norris CAN lick his elbow.
    • P is for Chuck Norris, as is every other letter of the alphabet.
    • Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral.
    • Chuck Norris' paradise is war.
    • Chuck Norris is capable of photosynthesis.
    • Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surprised. EVER.
    • Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.
    • Chuck Norris can lick his own elbows. At the same time.
    • Chuck Norris can kick start a car.
    • Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
    • Chuck Norris wrote an autobiography....it was just a list of everyone he has killed.
    • Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris kicks you, your relatives will feel it.
    • Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.
    • As seen in Sidekicks, Chuck Norris can climb a rope with one hand, and one hand only.
    • Chuck Norris does not dance. He roundhouse kicks to the beat.
    • Chuck Norris can MAKE water run uphill.
    • Chuck Norris can hold Puff Daddy down.
    • The moon is actually a comet that was once on course to hit earth... then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it into orbit.
    • Chuck Norris can strike a match on a bar of soap.


    See More: Contest: Chuck Norris facts




  2. #2
    Robb4248
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    Re: Contest: Chuck Norris facts

    More:

    • Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully load gun and won.
    • The only reason the color pink still exists is because Chuck Norris is color blind.
    • Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
    • Chuck Norris isn't afraid of Urban Legends, he is an Urban Legend.
    • Chuck Norris once played 18 holes of golf using a 12 inch strip of rebar and a sun dried tomato. He shot a 54.
    • On the Asian market, Chuck Norris' urine is worth $400 per fluid ounce.
    • See spot. See spot run. See spot get round house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.
    • Niagra Falls is the result of one of Chuck's legendary cannon balls.
    • Chuck Norris sneezes electricity.
    • Chuck Norris performs colonoscopies on himself.
    • If you were killed by Chuck Norris, your tombstone would read RIP, ripped into pieces.
    • Chuck Norris' smile once brought a puppy back to life.
    • You know he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle.
    • Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident....and still managed to walk it off.
    • Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are not random. They are just the number of people Chuck Norris killed that given day.
    • Chuck norris invented the corndog.
    • The agent of Chuck Norris asked Chuck if he wanted to be in Brokeback Mountain. Chuck Norris' agent has been missing for almost 2 years now. Never ask Chuck Norris to be in a gay cowboy movie.
    • Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
    • Chuck Norris understands the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey.
    • Chuck Norris belives the hype.
    • Chuck Norris CAN in fact stop the beat.
    • When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
    • When Chuck Norris picks his nose, he REALLY does find Gold.
    • Chuck Norris speaks in all caps.
    • Chuck Norris delivers more male with one thrust of his pelvis than the U.S. Postal Service and the Pony Express have combined for the last 146 years.
    • Chuck Norris wasn't born with feet, just boots.
    • Chuck Norris won a pissing contest against a Russian race horse.
    • When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return because it is scared to come back.
    • Chuck Norris floats like a butterfly and stings like a tomahawk missile. At mach 3. In the face.
    • Chuck Norris can dribble a football.
    • Chuck Norris’ IQ can be expressed simply as a sideways eight
    • Chuck Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.
    • Chuck Norris was once asked to repeat himself. The last thing that person ever heard was the wooshing sound of a roundhouse kick.
    • Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
    • Chuck Norris had his tonsels removed with a chainsaw.
    • Chuck Norris digs graves with a shoe horn.
    • Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
    • Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
    • Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.



  3. #3
    Robb4248
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    Re: Contest: Chuck Norris facts

    I'll upload them all in this .TXT notepad file... it's LONG! lol...
    Attached Files Attached Files



  4. #4
    Korean_Boi
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    Re: Contest: Chuck Norris facts

    i gotta few... i put the good ones in their own paragraphs

    -chuck norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himslef in the back of his head

    -when chuck norris does a pushup he does not push himself up he pushes the earth down

    -there is no evolution theory. just a list of animals chuck allowed to live
    -chuck norris does not sleep he waits
    -the chuck norris hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush

    -Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

    -Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

    -Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

    -Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.

    -In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.

    -Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
    -Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
    -Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
    -When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.
    -Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
    -When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.
    -It is impossible to be raped by Chuck Norris because that would mean you did not want it to happen.
    -Jeeves asks Chuck Norris.
    -Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
    -Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
    -Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
    -If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow down.
    -Chuck Norris can speak braille.
    -Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.
    -Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

    -Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

    -Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.
    Hey there!



  5. #5
    Robb4248
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    Re: Contest: Chuck Norris facts

    LMFAO... these are the best

    *hint* this contest is for things you make up, even though these quotes are all funny



  6. #6
    Korean_Boi
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    Re: Contest: Chuck Norris facts

    AWWW

    i ahve to make up my own....?

    i made up the lst one the bubble tape one
    Hey there!



  7. #7
    Robb4248
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    Re: Contest: Chuck Norris facts

    lmao... that one made me laugh the most



  8. #8
    Korean_Boi
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    Re: Contest: Chuck Norris facts

    do i win?

    Hey there!



  9. #9
    Robb4248
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    Re: Contest: Chuck Norris facts

    we'll see lol



  10. #10
    fordcobra04
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    Re: Contest: Chuck Norris facts

    Chuck Norris doesnt shave, He punches himself in the face so his facial hairs don't get the wrong idea.
    Current Toys: LG Voyager in Titanium
    Coming Soon: ??



  11. #11
    Robb4248
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    Re: Contest: Chuck Norris facts

    lmfao...

    Chuck Norris doesn't get a shower, the shower gets Chuck Norris



  12. #12
    Korean_Boi
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    Re: Contest: Chuck Norris facts

    i like my buble tape one still
    Hey there!



  13. #13
    Mannydas
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    Re: Contest: Chuck Norris facts

    when chuck norris tells you to jump you ask for permission to come down

    Never Fear Manny is Here
    <---=Captain Charisma=--->

    .



  14. #14
    Korean_Boi
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    Re: Contest: Chuck Norris facts

    Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.
    Hey there!



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