Got a good joke

Got a good joke share it. Keep them clean

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work."

The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex.

That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon......... You got nice house."

---

› See More: Got a good joke

This is a stupid pun

Why don't seagul fly over bays?

Cuz they would be called bagels!

HA WHTA COINCIDENCE MY FRIEND JUS TOLD ME THAT JOKE

i got one....

a blonde walks door to door looking for odd jobs, she comes across a rich mans house, she knocks and a man answers, he requested that she paint his porch. she comes back in an hour. the man is astonished!"how did u do that so fast?" she replies" its not so much to paint, by the way, its not a porchse, its a ferrari!"


HA!

get it?

Yesterday I was having some work done at my local mechanic.
A strikingly beautiful blonde woman came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.
They all looked at each other, and my mechanic asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"

She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It's always been there."

So my mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middle of it she wrote '710'.
It didn't look like anything he'd ever seen.
Still puzzled he then took her over to my car which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"

She pointed and said, "Of course there is silly, it's right there."

She was right. It was right there in front of us.

Do you know what it is?
Click here to find out, http://files.photojerk.com/BluesBear/710.jpg

wow, that is a classic blonde moment

Originally Posted by joethetowman

Yesterday I was having some work done at my local mechanic.
A strikingly beautiful blonde woman came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.
They all looked at each other, and my mechanic asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"

She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It's always been there."

So my mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middle of it she wrote '710'.
It didn't look like anything he'd ever seen.
Still puzzled he then took her over to my car which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"

She pointed and said, "Of course there is silly, it's right there."

She was right. It was right there in front of us.

Do you know what it is?
Click here to find out, http://files.photojerk.com/BluesBear/710.jpg

Haha! Priceless, nothing like an aul blonde joke to start the day.

The Jumper


Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack says, "You know, I bet he will."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."

The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Jack took the money ...

lol

i love that one

heres another...

a blonde is overweight, so he doctor puts her on a diet. "i want u to eat reguarly for two days, and skip a day" says the doctor "and repeat this procedure for two weeks. next time i see you, u should ahve at least lost 8 pounds or so.

the blonde returns and has lost almost 50 pounds. "thats amazing! did u follow my instructions?" the doctor said. the blonde nods, and says, i tell you... i thought i was gona drop dead on the thrid day.
from hunger?

no, from all the skipping


HAHAHA

blonde jokes always crack me up

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM IN THE SOUTH

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used work boots,
size 14-16.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns and Ammo
and your NRA magazines.

3. Put a giant dog dish next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

" Hey Bubba: Big Mike, Slim, Tiny and I went for more ammo. Back
in an hour. Don't mess with the Pitbulls. They attacked the mailman
this morning and messed him up pretty bad. I don't think Killer took
part in it but I locked all four of them in the house. Better wait
outside."

Incredible story about an elephant's memory

UPI July 3, 2006

A young man was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college.
While he was walking through the bush, he came across a young bull
elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed so the man approached it very carefully. He

got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot. There was a large
thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the foot.

As carefully and as gently as he could he worked the thorn out with
His hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its
face,stared at him. For a good ten minutes the man stood frozen --
thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away.
The man never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later the man was walking through the zoo with his teenaged
son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned
and walked over to where they are standing at the rail. The large bull
elephant stared at him and lifted it's front foot off the ground, then put
it down. The elephant did that several times, all the while staring at the
man. The man couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. After a

while it trumpeted loudly; then it continued to stare at him.

The man summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way
into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in
wonder.

Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one
of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing,
killing him.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs

into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the

blond begins to slide from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the

horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw

her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's

side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious of its

slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blond attempts

to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.


Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now

at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against
the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground,
she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune ........


Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

And you thought all they did was say Hello

A father and son went hunting together for the first time.

The father said: "Stay here and be very QUIET. I'll be across the field."

A few minutes later the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son.

"What's wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be quiet."

The boy, bless his heart, answered;

"Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet.

I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck.

I didn't move a muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder.

I closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp stung me.

I didn't cough when I swallowed the gnat.

I didn't cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching.

But when the two squirrels crawled up my pant legs and said,

'Should we eat them here or take them with us?' .Well, I guess I just panicked.

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those
>expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind.
>
>Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them.
>
>He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago
>and I hadn't paid for them yet...
>
>Hellloooo?
>
>Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.
>
>So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME
>last year... namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for
>themselves!
>
>Helllooooo"? (I told him). "It's been a year"!
>
>There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just
>hung up.... He hasn't called back, probably too embarrassed about
>forgetting the guarantee they made me.
>
>Bet he won't underestimate a blonde anymore.

In-laws!!


A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Originally Posted by Ironwalt

In-laws!!


A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

did you read that in maxim this month?
i just read that...and thats about the only thing i read so..lol