World's Safest Airline

I saw this at another forum so I decided to copy and paste it here...

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After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then
the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one saved for last......

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

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Originally Posted by secrecyguy

I saw this at another forum so I decided to copy and paste it here...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then
the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

No that's false it has had accidents, don't believe everything you hear in the movies.

Not relevant

Originally Posted by woli

Not relevant

Maybe not, but the point is that wrong information is being re-iterated about the airline. Here is a partial list of Qantas accidents:

On 7 April 1949, Avro Lancastrian VH-EAS swung on landing at Dubbo during a training flight, causing the gear to collapse. The aircraft was destroyed by fire.

On 24 August 1960, Qantas Super Constellation VH-EAC crashed on take off at Mauritius en route to the Cocos Islands. Take off was aborted, the aircraft ran off the runway, and was destroyed by fire.

Qantas had a significant incident on 23 September 1999, when a Boeing 747-400 VH-OJH, overran the runway by 220 metres while landing in a severe rainstorm at Bangkok. The aircraft ended up in a golf course. The Australian Transport Safety Bureau criticised numerous inadequacies in Qantas' operational and training processes.

On April 21, 2000, a 747-300 VH-EBW was damaged when its landing gear collapsed while taxiing at Rome.

I was reading something a while back about El Al being extremely safe, and having the most sophisticated technology on the planes (radar, anti-missile, etc...) buuut that could have changed
Regardless,

Those were all very funny. Good post!

Qantas - the Australian national airline is the world's third oldest continuously running independent airline behind KLM and Avianca. It is also the 11th largest airline in the world.

Qantas is famed for its long haul routes, beginning with the Kangaroo Routes using Boeing 707's from Sydney to London and Sydney to San Francisco in 1959. Qantas was exclusively an international airline until its 1992 merger with Australian Airlines.

Touch wood - since WWII Qantas has not had a fatal accident.

With that record Qantas must be the world's safest airline.

Since WWII Qantas has not had a fatal accident.

Originally Posted by Tack123

Since WWII Qantas has not had a fatal accident.

Sources Sources?

Originally Posted by Tack123

Qantas is famed for its long haul routes, beginning with the Kangaroo Routes using Boeing 707's from Sydney to London and Sydney to San Francisco in 1959. Qantas was exclusively an international airline until its 1992 merger with Australian Airlines.

Touch wood - since WWII Qantas has not had a fatal accident.

With that record Qantas must be the world's safest airline.

So hang on a sec here. You say they "must be", without knowing, so that's your own opinion, right ? Also, since they were international-only until 1992, then you can't really begin counting until 1992, right ?

My point is, the "safest" airline in the world is all relative as to what you believe "safe" means.

it really anoys me when airlines give you like no space!
if theres a fire or something, it would be hard to escape, so many people, so little space.

As long as they keep the hammer away from the midget I'll fly with them.