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  1. #1
    Mannydas
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    Have u got really funny jokes u would like to share with every1?

    i got 1 (its a long 1 but really funny pls read)

    a bus carrying ugly people is involved in a crash and everyone on the bus dies. they go to heaven where God decideds to grant them all one wish b4 entering paradise. they all start lining up.

    God Asks the first person what his wish is... the man replies i want to be beautiful, God snaps his fingers and it is done.
    the 2nd person in line see's this and wishes the same. the same wish is repeated all the way down the line , when there are only 10 ppl left in the line the man at the back starts laughing! laughing so much he is rolling on the floor laughing!...

    finally God gets to the end of the line and asks the laughing man what his wish will be. the man catches his breath and says " MAKE THEM ALL UGLY AGAIN"

    LOL



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  2. #2
    Mannydas
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    What Goes CLOP CLOP CLOP BANG BANG CLOP CLOP CLOP
















    An Amish Drive by shooting

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  3. #3
    alcozma
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    This is one someone told me a while ago..

    A man went to the doctor who was very sick with a terminal disease and going to die...
    He asked the doctor if there was anything he should be doing...
    The doctor said
    'You should go and take a mud bath, have a mud face mask, relax and close your eyes and try to enjoy the experience'...
    the man replied
    'But Doc is that going to make me better - I can't see how it will help?'...
    The doctor said..
    'At least it will get you used to the dirt!!!!'

    ahh its a sad one but it was funny at the time

    And another

    An old woman went to the Doctor...the doctor asked what the problem was...she replied
    'I've been sitting here and you haven't even noticed I have a flatulence problem, I cant stop passing wind but it doesn't make a sound or have any smell, I just feel uncomfortable with this constant wind!'
    The Doctor gave her some pills and told her to come back in a few days to see him....
    When she returned the doctor asked how she was feeling...
    'Oh Doctor I don't seem to have any change in my condition - the only difference is now my flatulence has a terrible smell! I can't stand it!!
    The Doctor replies...
    'Well now we have cured your Sinus problem we can work on your flatulence!'

    ahhh sorry all the others I know are xrated and not suitable for this forum!!!



  4. #4
    Mannydas
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    hmmm ....

    fart jokes!! hehe

    there was once a big red indian chief and his little assistant who could only speak 4 words of english BIG CHIEF FART NO...
    so one day the the big chief couldnt fart so he sent his assistant to the doctor, the assisstant told the doctor BIG CHIEF NO FART, so the doctor gave him some pills to cure this, but the next day the assistant returns to the doctor and sez BIG CHIEF NO FART so the doctor gives the assisstant some more pills. but agen the assisstant returns to the doctor and says BIG CHIEF NO FART so by now the doctor is getting anoyed with the assisstant so he gives him a whole LOAD of pills. and then the next day the assisstant returns to see the doctor and the doctor was about to blow his nut wen the assisstant says BIG FART NO CHIEF

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  5. #5
    X-Factor
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    Bubba & Earl were in the local bar enjoying a beer when they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop.

    The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize. Earl won 1st prize, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti. Bubba won 6th prize, a toilet brush.

    About a week or so had passed when the men met back in the neighborhood bar for a couple of beers. Bubba asked Earl how he liked his prize, to which Earl replied, "Great, I love spaghetti! How about you, how's that toilet brush?"

    "Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna go back to usin' paper."
    -Another day another dollar it's about gettin money
    Then you can give me a holla, my nose runny
    I've been out in the cold, hustlin for so long
    my hands numb, but bet I feel that paper in my palm



  6. #6
    evil247
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    What's the hardest thing about rollerblading?


    Telling your dad your gay.


    That was in maxim.



  7. #7
    X-Factor
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    One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget."
    They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a story.

    "Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting expedition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep. I don't know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest damn lion I'd ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this: RRROOAARRR!!! ... ... ... I tell you, I just crapped my pants."

    The young men looked astonished and one of them said, "I don't blame you, I would have crapped my pants too if a lion jumped out at me."

    The old man shook his head and said, "No, no... not back then, just now, when I said RRROOAAARRR!!!"
    -Another day another dollar it's about gettin money
    Then you can give me a holla, my nose runny
    I've been out in the cold, hustlin for so long
    my hands numb, but bet I feel that paper in my palm



  8. #8
    alcozma
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    ohhh I like the toilet brush one

    There was a Jew and a Chinese man sitting side by side on a plane...all of a sudden the Jew turns to the Chinese man and hits him up the side of the head knocking him around in his seat...
    'Whats that for?' the Chinese man asks...
    'Thats for Pearl Harbour!!!'...
    The Chinese man says 'What?!?That was the Japanese!!!'
    'Chinese, Japanese .... your all the same!!!' replied the Jew..

    A few minutes later the Chinese man punches the Jew knocking him out of his chair into the aisle of the plane...
    'What was that for???' the Jewish man moans....
    'Thats for The Titanic!!' replies the Chinese man...
    'What?!?!? Why?!?!' replied the Jew...
    'Goldberg...Iceberg...your all the same!!!' replied the Chinese man...

    This is my older friends fav joke but he is Jewish....



  9. #9
    Mannydas
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    jewish chinesse joke LOL

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  10. #10
    Mannydas
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    Joke Of The Week!

    A Ventriloquist is visiting New Zealand when he stumbles across a small Village and decides to have some fun. Approaching a man on his porch patting his dog,

    he says, ""Can i talk To ure dog?"

    the villager just laughs at him and says "are u stupid?" the dog doesnt talk"

    "are you sure?"asks the ventriloquist.

    turning to the dog he says

    "[SIZE=3]hello mate, hows it going?" "im doing all right" the dog replies. at this the villager looks shocked. "is that your owner?" "yep" says the dog "how does he treat you?" asks the ventrilo " really well. he walks me twice a day feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play"

    "mind if i talk to ure horse?" asked the ventrio to the villager.. the horse tells him he is also treated pretty well " i am regulary ridden, brushed down often kept in a nice barn"

    Mind if i talk to ure sheep? the ventrilo then asks. In a Panic the villager turns arround and shouts

    "THE SHEEPS A LIAR!"


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  11. #11
    Mannydas
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    why do women love men who have been circumcised?


    They Can't Resist Something With 20 Per Cent Off!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Last edited by Mannydas; 04-25-2004 at 02:55 PM.

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  12. #12
    Mannydas
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    sorry women if that previous joke seems offensive !

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  13. #13
    Mannydas
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    a man sinks his boat and ends up on a desert island after about 2 hours, a hot blonde in tight black leather catsuit walks up the beach

    "would you like a Cigarette?" asks the blond
    "yes please" replies the shipwrecked blonde

    with that the blonde unbuttons her left breast pocket seductively and pulls out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter.

    the blonde then asks, "would you likw a drink?"
    "yes please" replies the man

    with that the blonde unbuttons her right breast pocket seductively and pulls out a large bottle of whiskey and a large bottle of brandy..

    The Blond then Asks the man if he'd like to play around.

    The man looks suprised and replies " DNT TELL ME YOU HAVE A SET OF GOLD CLUBS IN THERE AS WELL."

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  14. #14
    Mannydas
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    Three Grannies are sitting on a park bench when a naked jogger runs past

    Two of them had a stroke but the third one just couldn't reach.

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  15. #15
    Mannydas
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    a man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 pounds due to serious health risks.

    desperate to lose weight, he signs up for a guaranteed weight loss program.

    the next day a voluptuous 19 year old girl arrives, dressed in nothing but running shoes and a sign arround her neck saying

    "if you catch me, you can have me!"

    he chases her and after catching her, he has his way with her

    after a few weeks of this he is happy to find out he has lost sum weight and ordersa much harder program..

    the next day an evan sexier woman turns up weariing nothing but running shoes and the same sign.

    after 5 days of her he decides to go with the companies hardest program. "are you sure" asks the person on the phone.

    "this is our most rigorous programme"
    "absulutly" he replies

    The next day theres a knock on the door and there is a muscular guy wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign arround his neck that reads,

    "IF I CATCH YOU< YOUR MINE"


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