nasty eel ( the pipe unblocker )
+++

not one of my better titles
go and get ****ed

***


shoved th eel down th blocked pipe
got it past th bend that defeated little brother

paulie cant have baths
till th pipe flows water again freely

have t play
suck it and see

***


was out for a couple hours this morning
finished that big high ****er
in mansion valley

maybe they should call it
valley of th bmw's and mercedes cars

****in litter th place

like travellin to another country


+++


suckholes

+++


hands up
who's ever been to germany and seen a
mercedes taxi


yeah it's special

+++

wow

+++


hello and welcome to th stuck up ***** hour
we'll be questioning several *****es

+++

"what about me ?"
you;re a ficticious *****
"rather be a ferocious *****"

hmmm


+++


at least th drugs taste nice today

+++


i fell asleep
and now it's four o'clock

heat's droppd off and
just sultry now

light rain they said
dont look like light rain to me

+++


so thursday

+++


"singin tonight ?"
no

+++


kylie minogue
"someday"

***

i guess

+++


think i can stand sittin at home
gettin out of it


hasnt been a week
since th last pretty girl smiled at me
while i was singin in th street

nice feeling
but

over rated

+++


aint special if ya do it all th time
"would nicole kidman be like that do ya think ?"

if you were doin her all th time ?
"yeah"


i hope not to find out

+++


no offense

+++

where she lives in sydney is
kinda like where i was in brisbane today

+++

city high
"caramel" remix

+++


roads littered with expensive foreign cars
with girls goin

if it didnt come from europe
it aint goin on my face

bbbbrrr


+++


"jane"

yeah

+++


"been a week"

i got a date already saturday night



never been in a gay bar

<<< smile >>>

+++


"should try singin to em"

dont try this at home
less you can handle th touching

+++

kylie
"track no09"
+++

what are ya doin to me windows ?

+++


"flowers grow"
"they;re everywhere you go"

+++


dried green flowers
yeah

+++


buds


+++

marijuana ****head
jeez yur slow

+++


"got two yuppie ex girlfriends"

"who both wanna say gday"



<<< smile >>>

+++


at least i'm earnin money right ?

+++


"you dont feel for me kylie"
"with that bottom"

+++


strange girl

+++


forgot to turn on th fan
been sweatin throughout th day
afro smells of stale sweat
shower hasnt got it all

**** it's gettin thick

+++

system of a down

"aerials"

+++




still pickin bits of paint
out of my hair

painful

+++


now that's not on
big graze on th right knee

unicycle accident
at speed


and half covered in plastic paint

ow

+++


looks like th pot will make it thru th night

+++


"more drugs over here"
"been buyin early"

+++


ever been offered drugs by your pretty female drug dealer ?


and you get home
to find


oh dear

i've nicked her lighter

+++



city high
"caramel"

+++

alright windows
th skin is very brown this week

+++

and my tits have grown

been workin again

+++


"<<< smile >>>"

+++


ya think pooh can dance ?

"i intend on finding out"

+++


just checkin my head


hmm

i can think of three girls
phone numbers


recall's workin ok

+++


bill hicks
"car bomb derby"

+++

here
let me put a sunroof in yur bmw

big ****in axe

+++


?
"redneck"

+++


you might be a redneck if

+++


gorillaz
"clint eastwood"

+++

i dont know mika

i like singin with th big samoan australian boy

the gay folk are umm


less inclined

+++


singin with michael
they;d sit on th seat next to me

"miss ya michael"

+++


where were ya rock spider ?
last week

we came out
and ya werent there

missed th playin beats
across th road from a nightclub

different in th mall with mika


"like th alcove"
"get a little foldback"

+++


ppl's bodies suck sound
have to dig deep
and sing loud

+++


cant do it at home
to anywher near th same measure

+++


the offspring
"pretty fly" ( for a white guy )

+++


think i'm

half white
half black

not really sure


neither is anyone else
mum told some stories


half dutch

but th short answer is same as mika's


i'm australian

+++


had a good look at th spokes
in th 24 unicycle wheel

yow


salt water is ****in em

they're gunna start breakin soon


but i like surfin on it


and i dont see thousands of other ppl doin th same thing

+++


powderfinger
"day you come"

+++


i used to have a problem
singin like a girl

felt self concsious


but lots and lots of nice ppl
were supportive


+++


been monstered in th street
by a group of seven guys

who'd preferr i sang like a boy


had four girls step out of th shadows
and tell em to get ****ed


that helped

+++

"that and th bunch of chicks"
"who threw fifty cent coins at ya"

they hurt

+++

the kinks
"she's got everything"

+++


th little two dollar coins
can inflict some serious damage on th skin


+++


chick whispering in my ear

"i can afford you"

singin under th lights
in cavill mall


with al


gave me her bank statement

now i;ve seen everything

+++


i got freaked out surfers paradise
wasnt really expecting
the reaction i got

was a bit overwhelming

+++


fantastic facepaint
put on by a girl who fancied me

and dirty dancin in th nightclubs
with a unicycle

+++

placebo
"running up that hill"

+++

got space in yur cloak room for my wheel ?

+++


it was a kick

+++

"th girl who worked at th radisson"

+++


got enough trouble with women now

"yeah but **** she could dance"

+++


prefer dancin on th unicycle
"too much attention"

"yelled at in th street for havin too many clothes on"

"take yur shirt off man"


+++


i'm a sensitive boy ok
some of it bothers me

+++


bill hicks
"lift me lord"

+++


arent i 42 ?

+++


pls god

+++


i got grey hairs for ****'s sake

+++


city high
"you dont know me"

+++


get called
aboriginal elder

+++


<<< smile >>>

+++



nice voice girl

+++



different things to different ppl
i'm in here somewhere

+++



i was sittin in a yuppie cafe
with a yuppie chick

ok

playin toyboy


dressed yuppie


talkin about th hippie commune
id bopped thru th day before
and how much fun i had

a shave and a change of clothes
and a little behaviour modification

sippin vodka and oranges
while watchin th surf
upmarket seaside restaurant


watchin th prety girl
sippin chardonnays

+++

acdc
"Walk all over you"

+++


none of that cheap rubbish

+++


we'll meet th girls
at th thai restaurant
and then kick on
and go nightclubbing

just gotta go thru makeup
smoke a joint and
just relax th face man


wild psychedelic flower
all over th face
and carried down th neck

**** i miss ya minka

painted beautiful faces
for th unicycle man of surfers paradise


pity i lived a hundred clicks away

+++


still do

+++


why are they giving me free drinks ?
how th **** did i get here ?

+++


ahh


i started ridin a unicycle like a maniac

nuthin to live for


playin chicken with th taxis at three am


hmmm


+++


"divebombing th walking crowd"

+++


portishead
"All mine"

+++


today's cigarette brand is

peter jackson
virginia

+++

ya dont wanna get stuck on one

brand


i dont give a **** what they are


spent too long

in a street


bein offered cigarettes
by


girls and boys
here there and everwhere


hey stop
do us a trick


ridin in th surf's pretty good

ridin down a travellator
that knocks em dead

ok

i'll do ya some bunny hops
and a coupla slides

bit pissy really in comparison

no i dont juggle
too stereotypical for me

i do my own thing

pretty much


+++


catchin waves
foot of white water under my wheel

and seven or eight cones of marijuana
under th ebelt

and go surfin

i dont give a **** if th spokes rust

+++


david bowie
"the man who sold th world"

+++

every now and then
some gorgeous creature
asks me to stop

so she can get a photo with me



still feels funny

[second pass]


couple of weeks ago

a pretty guy with a big expensive camera

runnin along beside me in th surf


gettin th unicycle wheel
catchin waves in th white water

steppenwolf
"born to be wild"


i'd share but i didnt get a number

[second pass]

+++

two giggling japanese girls
and a japanese guy

he's tryin to ask me if i'm a a body builder

i'm well out of it
and tryin to tell him

no

i ride a unicycle


and singin with al

under th lights for a break


main street surfers paradise


you didnt have much english

but i really liked th girls goin off


blew my mind

+++


just ridin a unicycle
and following my nose

+++


bit lost

+++


"and stoned"

+++


sex and drugs and rock n roll

+++


"street version"

+++


if you can sing
high and loud

they'll treat ya like a rockstar

nice

+++


jewel
"cleveland"

+++


i sit down with one of my busker mates

and he pushes something at me

here paulie



try this
suckin drugs out of a potato
in th street


hi folks


pretty girl
about to dance to th two drums we're about to play

gigglin
cause we're smokin pot
in th street
and


already completely out of it


and i arrived on th unicycle

comin th wrong way down th street
in th dark

no lights and


cars swervin



my bitumen


hey dude



makes th pot taste funny

but nice man


meet th pretty girl currently playing drums




in th alcove


rock spider wants th rock spider mantra


so i'll take th lead in th beat for a bit


put a little synchopation


a little
twist in th beat


a perfect circle
"pet"


get th rhythm goin
th voice opens up



starts gettin out there

girl cumming sounds coming out of my trhoat
and


she just blew me a kiss


hi


and into th bridge
and


i shouldnt have given th drum to that guy


he's teachin her bad habits


ah no
rock spider's nabbed it back


fly till it dies


another loaded

cone potato

passed to my hand

just stop singin for a bit


pullin a cone


<<< smile >>>




+++


ah no
they leave me be alone pretty much

occasionally one of th cars with blue lights overhead
has someone yell out of it at me

to get off th road

but they dont stop

we've had our police chases


+++


butthole surfers
"pepper"

+++

i've been chased thru th city
at night

on a unicycle

by a police car


and a police bike


siren goes on


time to smile




it's discrimination

just play my black card




and laugh


ya cant arrest th clown man


last time ya did that
th judge yelled at yas

and th lcoal radio

laughed at ya's for a week

for arreestin a street entertainer

ok
i take advantage of that

but

why shouldnt i ?

+++



another unicyclist spilt water
on a copper
twice

and they threw it out of court


waste of th court's time



and th clown's only gunna play it for laughs

+++



just umm

when ya first hit a new place

th cops stop ya

and th council guys
s
top ya

and ask ya questions


it's a

personal assistance vehicle
i have this delicate problem

hypersensitive testicles


and if ride th unicycle
long time

they go comfortably numb


got a medical record


keeps em at bay


im allowed to play in town too

ya cant discriminate

my playground as well

+++
ms flight simulator
"TO42"

+++


landing instructions

ya fly a uncicyle

ya dont ride it

+++


the offspring
"Walla walla"

+++



i feel a flight coming on


+++

cant get this paint off me

+++


yeah it's different body paint

+++


leanin on a post
in town somewhere

out of it
and havin a rest


rollin a joint ok


pretty girl walks up and says

i coudlnt believe how fast
you ride that thing thru th crowd


lots of practise
and th crowd is magic

opens magcially to accept me

dont have to yell much


sometimes though
is funny
to
scream


"NO ****ING BRAKES"


and tear thru th crowd
as they come out of a rock venue

th more out of it ones
can be real funny

in real life

+++
regurgitator
"manana"

+++

go ****in hard

...
..

th land surfer dude

+++

p.s.


led zeppelin
"since i've been loving you"


fave song not th rain song


ok ?


+++



bloody drugs


+++


hey robert

been stealin yur stolen stuff
and doin

th lesbian blues


my fingers are too ****in slow
will ya hurry up and get off *****

i wanna go nightclubbin


come on egirl
or i'll get out th sandpaper


when i squeeze yur lemon
and you cum all down my leg


+++


rock spider was cut
for short time

she was blowing kisses
you can do it man

no worries


just gotta have th balls


well


dont ****ing complain to me



she was a knockout
i dont care she hadsnt ****ed me

th look on his face was worth it



devil was ridin in th street that night
i did grab ya

and kiss ya back



and that's rare



made my night
that particular night

even forgave ya for bein blonde
otherwise it would have been on th lips


man's got some taste

+++


was my dream robert

and um


i found

ya dont have to climb on stage


wow


led zeppelin
"battle of evermore"


more up close and peronsal in th street

more frightening ?
i dunno


no bouncers to drag em off generally

althou there was this one time

while i was singin with michael

but that's another

singin on th street corner story
for another day



it feels good robert
everything i dreamed it woud be

whilr listening to led zeppelin
out of it
at thirteen

at my mad hippy aunt's place
tryin to get a grip on th mushies


was new music then


mum bought me led zeppelin 3 when it came out
every now and then
i find a busker who knows th words


and does led zeppelin justice

and i do th robert plant bits


th bits he cant quite get


dont wanna be th lead singer
wanna be th background singer


mor eroom to move

and i dont have t remember any ****in words


i can just

listen to th music

and sing



it's all good...


"<<< ****ing big smile >>>"


'thank you robert"
"not often they cum that stunning"
"was a top shelf moment"



See More: nasty eel ( the pipe unblocker )